I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
