So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize