I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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