butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
