Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
