I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
