life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
