Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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