you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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