I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
