how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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