we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
