Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
