Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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