Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
