Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
