I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
