so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize