the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
