Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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