I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
