We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize