I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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