He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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