She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
