he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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