Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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