You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've blown a few things in my day
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
