Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
