i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
