I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
