i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
