My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im calling her cock vulture from now on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
