That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
