I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
