Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize