i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
