I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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