just tell him i said nine months
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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