this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
