How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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