don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize