AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
