i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
