winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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