Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
