And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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