What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
