I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize