I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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