A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
