If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
