I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
