Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
