Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Someone signed my nipple.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
