Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
