So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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