I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
