Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
