she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
