I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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