Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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