I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
