she was so not down for the gang bang
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
