I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Blood and glitter go together right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we're so committed to being not committed
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