): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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