i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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