Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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