i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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