Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
