I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
