That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
FUCK WHALES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
