i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
