Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize