no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
