Dual....:-)
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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