Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
