accomplished twins. life is a go
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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