Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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