I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
