i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
