how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize