Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
